First term results and my conditions...Future Plan??!!

So..hello guyzz (who are reading my blog)....I am back again. Blog writing has almost become diary writing for me as Blogs are the pages where I am writing mostly about my present situation.
So, let me start from my First term results of the terrible year Class-11. And, surprisingly, the exams didn't go as horrible as expected, 'cause I PASSED with all the subjects, especially Physics & Chemistry (in which many of my classmates failed). Also, I am the second highest scorer in Maths & Computer. My overall performance is 68%. Anyways...never mind...at least, I got some hope through this that I can continue in Science, otherwise the hectic life & pressure I was having at the beginning of the session was pissing me off.
But still there's no rest 'cause I have to still work hard to do well in the next two terms...especially the Final one....the DANGEROUS one, as it'll have the whole syllabus form the beginning. Plus, I'm also gonna have Exams in my tuition also.
Anyways...never mind----well, this has become my common words. Well, I have also now turned into an Anime fan...and I've made a list of animes which I want to complete by 2018, besides studying for Boards and other exams. There are also some movies which I've reserved to watch next.
Okay... so for now...I'm having my Durga Puja...I'll have my full-time enjoyment...because after this only my everyday school and tuition will start. Let's see what hell is waiting on in there..so that I could right another blog. You know blogs are like fidget-spinners for me now, the same spinners which are said to relieve stress.
Oh yeah...about my future plan...I presently have the following goals in my mind. First of all, I'll try to crack JEE and try to go for IIT, if I've some guts!! I can also be a Software Engineer, as I love Computer Science. I can also be Theoretical Physicist (I am developing for Physics now). I have another choice in my mind which is difficult from every angle, but I don't know it's my childishness or my anxiety that I want to be.......a Scientist...who also invents the most impossible gadget in the history of  the world....and you know what it is....A TIME MACHINE!! I know you, the reader, will be shocked and close this blog immediately by reading this...perhaps you'll think me to be an idiotic brat, but seriously, you tell me who will not require a time machine. There are many cases where a human being repents for the mistakes or some disappointing incidents which happened in his/her past, for which he/she can't forgive himself. In exam times also, we see how students get frustrated when they are unable to complete the paper in given time. So, they really want something so that they could go back to the past and never let those mistakes to take place. But well, I don't want to make a time machine for my own personal needs...I'll make it useful to the world also, but for only the welfare of the people. But I don't really feel that I'll really come up with something like that are not; 'cause these are purely imaginary stuff...plus, if I really make a time machine, there will be risk for me as there are very cruel, crooked and dangerous people around the world who'll make a bad use of the machine.
Anyways, just ignore this passage if you want....well, I can also go for Film-making career, especially the editing and acting sector, as I'm a bit interested in it.
You know, there's another suggestion from my father, to be a TEACHER, 'cause according to him, teaching is the best profession as it fetches more salary. But my dad, who is frustrated from his Sales Manager job, doesn't know that it is also not easy to be a teacher. And, I don't expect a Fumbling maniac like me to be teaching so many students.
You know what?! I have one even better plan...to be a GLOBE TROTTER-a person who roams around the world. Yes, that's what left with me now, 'cause there's no point wasting your time anymore with boring studies and fucking' hard work...I don't wanna die by stinking in one place. I want to see the whole world, perhaps that'll give me more knowledge than studying the irritating atomic structure in Chemistry...something which we can't see from our eyes. Well, I think I did a better decision by not taking Biology, because half of the things I don't understand about it, especially the crappy names...plus, I don't want to take any more risk this year, besides Physics & Chemistry.
Anyways...the only thing left for me is now to LET'S SEE...!!

Studies & Me

Just two days left for my first term examinations...and I'm still on a trauma from where to start studying. From last 5 months, I have got a hell-lot of concepts in my mind....in class 10 also, so many were not there. Seriously, such a big gap between 10 & 11! In Chemistry, one 'Atomic structure' only has so many concepts-Rydberg's constant, Wavelength & frequency of photon, electronic configuration of the basis of s,p,d,f shells (forget the knowledge about K,L,M,N), Quantum & Quantum numbers (couldn't understand still what is proton, neutron & electron and this crap arrived),etc. And Chemistry still I can pass...but Physics...Oh My God!! I am getting fucked up with it, especially the numericals. These numericals are like no appliance of direct formula..it's all about logic....even Maths sums are not so tough! And failing in physics can be a possibility!!

I am seriously feeling like laughing 'cause I'm someone whose gonna pursue Engineering, that also Software...and in first exam of Physics only I am pissed off. And I have also seen some foolish & childish dreams also till now of becoming a world famous scientist and discovering some fantastic machine. Actually, many things are going round me-one of them is also that whether I'll stay in Science stream for so long. And even if I survive in 11, what will happen to me in 12? Over there, I'll have double the syllabus of 11, and just 6 months will be there to finish it...'cause I'm gonna face Boards....and if I survive Boards, I'll have to crack Joint Entrance Exam to get admission in a good college....and as you know, college & school-huge difference! In college, I'll first of all get ragged terribly by the seniors, then studies will just chop me off, and time will be just flying away...not be able to catch it also. Oh God! Life is totally full of tensions...and I can't die also just like that to overcome this tensions.
You know what? Sometimes, I think that my parents, especially my mom, did not take care of the fact of how should I study. Till Class-4, she used to teach me alone, and her method was rote learning-only to learn what is given in the notes, and not understanding anything...that's how I used to study. And then came another messy thing in my life- TUITIONS. Okay, till the time she used tot teach me alone, everything was still fine...but I don't know from which day she became so casual. She became fully dependant on tuition for making me study...okay, that's fine, she was doing this to make me grow up....one day, I have to study on my own will and no parent will come to ask what I'm studying. But now, it's becoming too much....she's only dependant on tuitions now. For an easy subject like English also, she wants to give me tuitions...and I get very angry, if she tells me to join Aakash and all those high-class coaching centers. Dude, I WANT TO STUDY ON MY OWN....IT'S MY LI8FE, MY WISH! Why will you people decide what I will be?
Another big mistake I did was not studying in an ICSE school. Yup, I did study in Rammohan Mission till 4th Grade, but I left it due to pressure and time regarding problems (I really miss my friends over there till now). But now i regret going to CBSE. Yup, I know Indus Valley Word School sparked out the smartness within me...or else I would not be able to use the keyboard also for typing this blog. But still it made me somewhat 'Casual' in life. The thing which I should have done was till Class-10, I should've studied in ICSE (I would have gone to some other school also), and then...CBSE!! In ICSE, no matter how much pressure I had, my base regarding Science would have been clear...I would have suffered the danger named 'Board Exams' also...but, then in 11-12 CBSE, everything would have been crystal clear for me-no tension for giving competitive exams further. But, as you know, what I wish for never happens...or else I would have not written all these blogs!!
And you know another thing....I am currently watching Anime once again during exam time.....the same mistake which I did during the pre-boards this year!! Sometimes, I think I am the one who is responsible for the problems I'm writing about in these blogs....no matter how much childish or matured I am. Anyways, as I said before, life is full of obstacles, and I've to take the challenge to overtake them. Perhaps, whatever I did or whatever happened with me in my life till now is for my good future  only. Anyways, in  Boards or Entrance exams, no CBSE or ICSE will matter, only our knowledge will.

More troubles, more pressure, more tensions...but still no give-up

So..in the last blog, where was !? Oh yes! I remember..I was talking about how my life became crucial...even after my Grade-10 exams were over. Well, there were incidents knocking up one after the other. First incident happened on the midnight after my exams were over. You remember I was talking about a girl, junior to me, whom I proposed, and she was supposed to be my girlfriend very soon?! So, I was chatting with her on facebook...I was sure to catch up with her very soon. We chatted the whole night about exmas, life,etc. And then...the heartbreaking message came from her-'I'm going back to Kenya'.
Silence...silence surrounded me. It was like the world has been twisted. A whole lot of questions started appearing. She...she must be joking...how could she leave me like this? I have a crucial year in front...how could she leave me alone to suffer? Why? My love for that little girl wearing glasses started evolving....my emotions were not like this even for my parents also!! What's going with me? I was utterly confused.
I gave my reply-'Are you really leaving?'...I was waiting to hear a "No'...but it was a 'Yes'. And before I could think something, she texted me again-'Do you really love me?'...Bloody hell, she made me speechless. I just wished her 'Goodnight' and 'we'll talk about this later'. And I went to sleep...thinking about how the day went. I was so free that day because of exams were over...but on the other side, my mind was dominated with feelings about me and her. Will she really leave? Oh my Gosh!
Well, my whole one-month vacation went thinking about all this stuff...which I further realized to be stupid...very stupid it will be to fall in love with a girl junior to me...though my other friends have done such things. But, anyways, rather than those idiotic love crap I spent rest of my vacation roaming around here and there...I watched some new animes (including 'Avatar:The Last Airbender'...a 61-episode one which took almost 1 month for me to finish) also in my PC. My facebooking=ing habit also started increasing all of a sudden like 3 years ago when I first started doing FB. On the same time, my troubles started increasing when I was not getting proper books and tuitions for 11 & 12. My parents kept on suggesting some popular coaching centres like 'Aakash','Fiitjee','Vidyamandir',etc,...but I didn't like them 'cause of their fees and teaching pattern...though some of my friends went to those institutions. Finally, I joined a near-my-house tuition centre...but I don't know in future, will it benefit me or..? Books also we had to buy on our own. My 10-results were also unknown. Pressure of giving Entrance exam also was in my mind from that very moment. I was really tensed about my fututre So, in short, my life started sucking before the beginning of class-11 only.
And, finally, the day came, and Class-11 started with a big bang in my head (I already knew about that form the very beginning)---not a single chapter which I was able to understand. The never-done-before numericals in Physics, de-structuring chapter about the structure of atom in Chemistry, c++ programming in Computer ....Oh my God! And there would be three terms...and in final term, WHOLE SYLLABUS....!! I felt as if the world got twisted. Oh...and I forgot to say...my supposed-to-be girlfriend left to Kenya, before I could recover my Pressurizing shock. बाप रे!
But soon...I strengthen myself (which always I only do)..and I knew at first, I'll have certain problems like this...nothing to do, everyone would have. Then, I forgot to tell you about the new building of my school were the senior classrooms are there from now on.
And...crap! There is another subject which came to me as shit! Physical Education!! First of all, it's all about sports-my weakest subject, and very disgusting too, because why doe we need to play games in two crucial years of our life, that also Science...doesn't matter in Commerce & Humanities. And this subject is COMPULSORY...I mean, why the hell? In other schools, there's nothing like this, and there is no 2nd language(my scoring subject) And, the teachers also from the very first day started giving the crap-'If you don't like the stream...change it immediately!' Even, I also first thought of changing 2-3 times, but then, decided to stick in Science till term-1, because Commerce has Business & Accountancy, and Humanities has again those Social Science, which were once upon a time my favourite, but right now-crap! And, I also made a final decision of being Software Engineer in future (I don't know for how many days will it remain final, 'cause I can chanege like before), though my parents and relatives are still forcing me to study Biology and Medical, because 'Doctors get good salary/income'; but I didn't want to pressurize myself more, plus I had interest about Computers.
Well, my first few days went by this...and at the same time I turned 17, but who cares?! The only good thing about being 17 is that I learnt to cross the road ALONE, first time (tee hee). My mother also had a Gall bladder stone operation during my vacation, and during this time only, my class-10 results came out. It was published in the net, verrrrryyyyy lately after other schools results came out, and here's my result-
C.G.PA.-9.8 (i.e. 93.1%)
MATHS,COMPUTER,ENGLISH,HIND-A1
Shockingly, S..S.T-A1
But, Science-A2
I was really happy with such a great achievement, especially when my family members congratulated me.But, I was sad too...first of all, no C.G.P.A 10 and I got less on the subject which I'm studying now. But then I thought that even if I have taken Science, I have taken it to improve my performance in this subject. In my school, many got C.G.P.A. 10, even the most irritating friend of mine had also got the same as mine. But I knew in 11, nothing mattered...we were in a different level of studies. My problems started increasing when I'm unable to do the numericals of Physics in revision tests. Chemistry also kept on haunting me like hell. Computer & Maths seemed to be my saving grace in the upcoming first term exams. My practicals also started at the same time...while the Physics ones were a huge bore, Chemistry ones seemed to be very interesting; in computer, we had the hardworking programs to make. There were strict rules with our practical files also. I also started having timing problems in tuitions also.
Well...the blog became too long, right?! But what to do? This is the world I'm leaving through...everything is like a hocus-focus to me, where I really can't focus on anything. Anyway, my life was always like this. I could have written more about the Golden opportunities that i have missed including participation in Singing competition, and some big, vital but stupid mistakes like unknowingly deleting some photos & voice recordings from my phone, spending most of the time in my PC (like now) & phone, and mistakes in Physics & chemistry papers are nothing new. Let's see what happens next. But, for now, I am closing my blog saying that-whatever CHALLENGE...yes, nomatter what challenge is waititng for me next, I will face it...and nomatter how much tough it is...I'll not give up...and I'll 'try' to survive.

First three months of the New Year...and more heck awaiting for me!!

Uff...let me take a deep breath before I start writing! Many things have happened since my last blog on January. I think this year will again go as another haphazardous road. I previously thought the year will start with a good note...but it's now FUCKINGLY SHITTY ASS! Actually, this year most of the faults were of mine, and not the circumstances (but still they created problems)...and I realized that with the consequences waiting for me.
Let me start with January! The year started with me lost by thinking about the thoughts of last year. We had our FA4 as usual on early January as usual...and this was the last Formative Assessment of Class 10. OH...I forgot to mention about the Annual Concert which we had. I also believed it to be the last concert of my tender life, and it was a successful one. Then, I had my Pre-board exams (of 90 marks) which would decide which would be my subjects on Class 11. Now, this one went a mess, basically because I was as usual watching animes which were unknowingly distracting me. Another thing which happened was the subject which I studied the least (Computer), I got GOOD, and the subject I studied the most (Science), I got the WORST. I was then almost sure that I won't get Science with such a poor performance, but I cheered myself up, because the final exams were still left.
Oh...I forgot to mention....yet again FELL IN LOVE with a GIRL...but to be honest, it was the strangest love I had in my life...because the girl was 3 years younger than me. I thought a lot of times whether it would be good to start a relationship with such a girl, that also before these exams and stuff...but I, like a FUCKING IDIOT, thought that Age doesn't really matter in a relationship. Basically, that girl was totally like me, and I got mesmerized by her...though she was childish, but it was OK. And, you know what....I also got the proper time to propose her...14TH FEBRUARY. But, I didn't propose her face-to-face...but on FACEBOOK CHAT. I really sometimes think myself to be a LEGEND like those in the sarcastic kids, men and legend jokes. I knew she would not so easily accept my proposal, coz I knew her childish mentality,  but I knew that someday उसे अपना बना ही लूँगा!
And you know what...after 2 days only, I had my last day in class-10 (before exams) on 16th. We wished each other Goodbye by writing something on our t-shirts or paper. Even that girl (oh...I forgot to mention she was in my school only) also wrote "We'll meet soon' to me". I spent a nice time with her that day. But I didn't knew that time it was the last time I'm going to see her.
In the vacation which we had, I chatted with that girl a lot of times in fb. I also opened an Instagram account too at that time....but now I wanna close i, coz of less followers. Anyways, so I studied that time very hardly and vigorously like never before...also doing a writing practice of whatever I learnt from whichever subject (Social Science especially)....I also tried to reduce my social-networking activity. I made a promise to myself that this exam will be very different from my previous ones, and I'll definitely give my 100%.
And, finally, the day came for my Class-10 exams. First, only I had my Computer exam, which I took just 1 hour to finish...so easy and short. Next was my Maths exam. Previously, Maths was my weakest subject in exams as I used to finish the paper late...but this time I had full trust on it, as I had thoroughly practised all the necessary sums required. And जैसीं करनी वैसी भरनी...the paper went very well! I finished it very fast, that's it. Next was English, which was mildly very well. Then came Science!! Oh my God...that's the DANGEROUS one. If I did well, then, I'll get Science in 11 (anyways which I got). That went little crappy as I didn't have time to revise at all, but I knew I'll manage to get good marks. Next was Hindi, which was as usual my very scoring subject, and whatever I used to write, it used to work out...and it did this time also. Sadly, it was the last time I was giving my Hindi exam, as no 2nd Language in 11. And, speaking of last, my last exam was my 'last' Social Science exam. For this one also I got very less time to study because of the very HUUUUUGGGE syllabus. This one will be messed up as before, I thought....but when finally I gave my exam, I was RELAXED. Yes....SST exam over....SA2 or rather Final term over...Class-10 also over....and now it was time for a one-month vacation.
I was really so happy that day...couldn't believe that I gave my Class-10 exam...ufff. Finally, time to relax...
BUT...HA! HA!...Do you think I relaxed int his vacation? Do you think fate will give me chance to get relax? LOL! nope...एक मुशीबत से छुटकारा मिला तो दूसरा शुरू भी हो गया !!! No..it was not only Class-11, which is currently another nightmare for me...there were some other crucial and shocking incidents which took place in the middle of the scene...
Well...I think this blog has already become too much long to explain...so....TO BE CONTINUED...in the next one!!

HAPPY (OR CRAPPY) NEW YEAR 2017!

Hey guyzz! I'M BACK! Exactly 1 year after my last blog.
So, let me discuss what-what happened in this one year in my life.Basically, many things took place in this 366 days-Almost an epic. Let me explain you month-wise!!!
JANUARY: Nothing much, but I got a feeling of how the year would be. I had my FA4, as I remember, and my Annual Sports meet, which didn't have the excitement of Annual Concert. Plus, some chaos also took place in the school, but for me, it's like-'Oh! Forget it!' 
FEBRUARY: I had a huge pr-uncle in the right side of my head!The situation was pathetic, but I didn't surrender until putting an end to it. This was the sign of the upcoming skin problems which I was going to have.
MARCH: I had my SA2 examinations of Cl-9. I thought I will do better than my last time in Cl-8. But, again, Science went BLAH! like every year, Maths again couldn't complete the paper, and other subjects also average. No A1! C.G.P.A. again 9 only! That time my mind was so frustrated that I decided not to study only for Cl-10, because every year the same result is there for me. 10 also it'll be the same. I also decided to watch a much-eager Hollywood movie with my friends, but due to its negative reviews, we failed to watch it. but I enjoyed reading some of my old story books and comic books which I had.
APRIL: This month began with watching a movie-a small budget Hindi movie, which was good, but I didn't want to watch it. I did some silly mistakes while watching the movie with my 3 friends, and this was the starting point of their negative attitude towards me. My new session of Cl-10 also began. Firstly, I didn't feel like going back to that rusty environment of school life, especially after my Cl-9 results. At the same time, I had an infection on the left part of my chest, which made me more frustrated. But I still controlled myself! Oh yea! I also joined my new tuition, and sadly, some of my classmates were also present there. That was the place where I first started communicating properly with people.
MAY: 8th May is usually my birthday. But this time, my B'day didn't go exciting like before. Plus, my Fa1 also began, and I tried my best in most of the exams. My Summer vacation also began very soon, and it left me with again those idiotic projects...and one more thing I want to include with this is that, the full year went on with the same topic-HERITAGE OF KOLKATA, and constantly the tools related to the same thing. I also got introduced to some 'perfect' movie downloading sites. Yipee! 
JUNE, JULY & AUGUST: This were the three toughest months of the year. Firstly, I finally revealed my inner feelings to a girl whom I loved (though that was not a proposal). But soon, that love matter became the laughing stock of the class. And my best friends also turned against me. Some of the people also started the jealousy factor over me, by mostly embarrassing me. But I still tried to control the situation, and that's when I started understanding the concept of 'maturity', which I didn't understand till now, even being a 16-yr old fellow. I also got 'fever'-ised in the middle. But I had other ways of entertaining myself-like watching old cartoons of 'Tom & Jerry'.
SEPTEMBER: As usual, SA1 began, but before that we had a special mock test for cl-10 of 50 marks each subject. Oh yes! This year was also to decide what stream to choose in cl-11 and set a perfect goal in life. But I was confused as usual. Anyways, my sa1 went much better than other years, especially when I got A1 in Maths, which used to be my weakest subject once upon a time, but regular practice made me progress. I also showed good signs in Vernacular & Computer.
OCTOBER: It should be named the Puja month. This year's Puja and yester-years' Pujas were no-different. This month went good only for me. But I was still having some familiar problems. Diwali was also held in the same month.
NOVEMBER: This was also a good month. The best thing about this month was that I got introduced to Anime. I previously had a bad idea about anime, but after watching 'Death Note', I understood my mistake (currently I have watched 3 more animes...toooo goood!!😍). I also enjoyed with my friends during Children's Day. I also got my first ভাইফোঁটা from my cousin sister (5 yrs old). My Facebook friendlist also started increasing, and I had an idea to be popular to people to some extent. But we were in a trouble with the demonetization scheme launched by the Government of India, but I knew it to be a beneficial step for our future. My FA3 also started a bit later, but this time, some of the exams didn't go well....I thought that to be my fault, but still I controlled myself.
DECEMBER: last month of the year! I don't understand how does the year comes to end so 'fast'...I thought it to be starting just now. Anyways, December had always remained my best month of each year. I enjoyed watching movies by downloading as usual. We also had our school picnic...again in Eco Park, where we had went previously also....and like previous one, this was also a huge hit picnic. We also started our preparations for our Annual Concert on January. I also had an interaction with Principal Sir about choosing the stream for Cl-11. I chose Science with Maths & Computer. Many of my friends took Humanities. I decided to continue in that school only, though I didn't want to. I also had a feeling of having a more tough time in 11 than 10....but what to do? This is life!! I also have to give Pre-board on January for the further selection of our streams. We then had a one-week Winter vacation, shortly after our picnic.
Finally, the year came to an end on 12o' clock. And 2017 has began......and there are many possibilities which I'll have this year, including a toouuughh time in 11, from a comfort zone of 10....in which I amy score above 95%. Actually, my year has only began with FA4 exams from 2nd of Jan, which will be till 11th, and int he middle, we'll have our Annual Concert on 8th. And then, the Pre-boards of 90-marks (advance SA2!) from 16th-31st. Then, our last day of school on 16th February, and then, again, SA2 from early March...AND THEN छुट्टी FOR SOME DAYS....and then again back to school life with 11waiting for me with a 'Danger' sign.
I know that this year will also be tough, but when there is hope, impossible can be turned possible.